Take our quiz! - Breakthrough U.S.

Your friends are talking about a sexual assault that happened after a party last week. One of them mentions that the victim, a young woman in your class, was clearly wasted. Do you think:

She shouldn't have been drinking that much. What did she think was going to happen?Wait. She was wasted. There's no way she was in a position to give consent to any type of sexual activity. That's seriously not ok.

Do you think that when a victim of sexual assault has been drinking, their assault should be taken less seriously?

No. Sexual assault is sexual assault. All assaults should be taken seriously and victims should be treated respect no matter whether they were drinking, what they were wearing, their sexual history, or their previous relationship with their assailant(s).Yes. There's something about the idea that this person was drinking that makes me feel like *maybe* they could have avoided the assault if they just hadn't been drinking.

How do you feel when you hear people talk about a survivor of sexual violence's sexual history or preferences, or the social status of the perpetrator, as a reason to not believe that it happened?

Gross. Anybody can be a victim OR a perpetrator of sexual violence. The only thing that should matter in determining whether a sexual act was an assault or not is whether it was consensual.I've never really thought about it. I can see how comments like that about high-profile cases can end up really hurting the survivors who might be listening and start to think that they somehow 'deserved' their assault or won't be believed.

In the aftermath of a sexual assault the victim has to face some really tough choices: whether to report the assault, where to go for help to process and heal from their trauma (mental and/or physical), and so on. What do you think is more important for you to do?

I want that person to know that they aren't alone, that there are people who support them, and that they will get through this.I don't want to assume that the person accused is guilty without knowing for sure. But I guess that's really not the most important thing in this moment. I'm still not sure what happened so I don't know that I should support this victim yet.

When we discredit and silence survivors, we send a message to others that they won’t be believed if this happens to them. We then create a culture where people don't feel safe coming forward about their assaults, which enables perpetrators.

Learn more about how that happens, and how we can stop this.

Have you ever lied about how many people you’ve had sex with?

No, I haven't.Well, honestly ... yes.

Have you ever considered, or felt pressure to, or been tempted to either exaggerate or downplay your sex life?

Yes – I've felt that pressure.No, I haven't really felt that pressure myself. But I think I know what you mean.

Did you exaggerate or underplay the amount of sex you’ve had?

I've exaggerated it.I've underplayed it.

Why did you exaggerate?

There's a certain amount of pressure, almost like a competition, to have a lot of sex. I didn't want to be the butt of jokes or judged for being a prude or a loser.I don't fit all the cliches about 'hookup culture' on campus, or ideas about what sex is 'supposed' to look like, and I've exaggerated to avoid being seen as an outsider.

Why did you underplay it?

I didn't want to be seen as a 'player' or a 'slut.' People make assumptions about people who have lots of sex, and I don't want to be associated with that.I feel like there's an element of competition around how much sex people are having, and I'm not into it.

What do you think is the main source of this pressure?

Culture. I feel pressure to fit into norms around sex that are pushed in TV shows, song lyrics, by my friends and peers, and even parents/relatives.Myself–I think I’ve kind of internalized the idea that the amount of sex I’ve had in some ways defines who I am as a person.

Do you think that our culture assumes young men constantly want to have lots of heterosexual sex–and that “good girls” don’t?

Yes. That assumption is everywhere: TV, song lyrics, comments made by friends, parents and others.I like to think that we've moved past this. But I think sometimes – and to some people – this stereotype persists.

When we discredit and silence survivors, we send a message to others that they won’t be believed if this happens to them. We then create a culture where people don't feel safe coming forward about their assaults, which enables perpetrators.

Learn more about how that happens, and how we can stop this.

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